


Waiting

by impatientseamstress



Category: Megamind (2010)
Genre: Bedsharing, Diary/Journal, F/M, Mentions of Sex, Oh my god they were lairmates, Roxanne's POV, Whoops that wasn't supposed to happen, accidental roommates, antagonists to lovers, more tags to come when I figure out what I'm doing, of course they're going to get together what kind of writer do you take me for?, probably an unreliable narrator, what do you mean we're trapped?!
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-26
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-17 12:01:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,506
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29716884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/impatientseamstress/pseuds/impatientseamstress
Summary: Megamind does something spectacularly impressive with time...or it would be if it were intentional. Now Roxanne, Minion and Megamind are all trapped in the Lair for the next month, while in the world outside only half a minute passes.Its going to be a long thirty days
Relationships: Megamind & Minion, Megamind/Roxanne Ritchi, Minion & Roxanne Ritchi
Comments: 95
Kudos: 93





	1. Day One

Day One.

Dear Diary,

Fuck my life. 

This is Roxanne Ritchi coming to you extremely live from inside the Evil Lair where once again my life has been disrupted by a criminal mastermind who watched Labyrinth too many times as a kid and decided the big collar, black leather, dramatic monologuing shtick wasn't enough but he had to fuck with time as well. 

It was a pretty standard kidnapping, got sprayed on my way _back_ from coffee for once (minor success!)- woke up - disgusting bag - deathtraps that are never going to actually touch me - ~~flirti~~ _banter -_ my name is Inigo Montoya etc to Wayne - I'll save you Rox- _anne_ (seriously its the same number of syllables. it's not that hard) -prepare to meet your doom - seen it, done it, bought the T-shirt...

Then supergenius pressed a button and everything went to shit.

There was this sound like a cheesegrater in a washing machine and everything outside the lair just...stopped.

Really stopped.

Like flipping a pancake and its stuck in mid air stopped.

Like water from a fountain no longer falling stopped.

Like you just dropped your coffee and it hasn't hit the ground yet but its about to go all over your white shirt and...you get the idea

I'm prepared to admit it was pretty impressive for a minute there until Minion piped up "Well that was unexpected" at which point certain suspicions started percolating.

Another twenty seconds after figuring out stopping time wasn't supposed to happen I realised Megamind wasn't actually sure how to fix it.

Its been seventeen hours now and for once in his life a certain big headed moron might actually get to hear me scream.

My phone died an hour ago so I'm writing this for something to do. Mostly so I don't strangle a certain blue "genius" who is my only way out of the Lair and this weird time bubble he's trapped us in. 

Oh excuse me, temporal hyperaccelerated dimensional blast radius vortex.

Whatever.

Time bubble.

It extends about half a block beyond the Lair but after that there's some kind of wavy force-field thing that organic matter can't pass through so I can't even go back to my apartment.

(Also we might blow up if we try? Or turn inside out. Either way the exact words were copious blood spatter and irreversible organ damage so...keeping that option in reserve)

At least I'm allowed out of that stupid chair and as far as the kitchen which is apparently Minion's domain and one other room but no further or else "I will have you dehydrated and stored on a shelf until further notice Miss Ritchi if you continue trying to set a deathtrap on me"

Payback's a bitch genius. Its not my fault there were all those shiny buttons.

Apparently we're existing sort of in the same time that Wayne does when he speeds up? Not really sure how that works. I asked why we can't just fly a sign up to Wayne (also currently stuck mid air) that says hyperaccelerate your toothpaste commercial dumbass and come get us."

His royal evilness got really pissy at that point and started yelling about hypersonic shock waves and particle matter and veered off into swearing in half a dozen languages including Dutch at me about selfish damsels and called me an infuriating [REDACTED] with a [REDACTED REDACTED] and a [REDACTED] understanding of temporal physics until I yelled at him that he was the one who kidnapped me so he could either explain slowly or write it down so I can follow.

He's sulking in the lab now so I'm sitting here in the...conservatory? I don't know. There are plants though. And something that is either an artists rendition of the creative process or a failed deathtrap. One of the brain-bots keeps flying in every so often and spraying it with water when it tries to catch fire again.

Should I tell him I speak Dutch? 

Or should I tell _Minion_ I speak Dutch?

Hmm...I can only spring this on him once. This is going to require careful thought...

I wonder if Minion knows how to make poffertjes?

Update: Minion does not know how to make poffertjes. But he did apologize for the inconvenience and gave me a sandwich which is more than I can say for a certain blue foul-mouthed genius.

It can't take that long to fix surely?

...can it?

Hang on, fire brigade bot is back and he's given me an idea.

If nothing else I'm going to make sure that bag never touches my head again.

Update 2: So that went badly.


	2. Day Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time has no meaning

Fun fact about being stuck in time. There is no night. The whole lair is full of rooms with windows for the bot's to fly in and out of so we are in this permanent golden hour which is very pretty but I've never been able to sleep with so much as a nightlight shining around the door frame so trying to be reasonable Roxanne has been replaced by not enough sleep Roxanne and not enough sleep Roxanne is a bitch.

I feel really bad about yelling at the brain-bot that came in to spray the contraption in the corner again. I hope Minion passes on my apologies.

Hopefully it forgives me about the bag as well. 

RIP bag. You will not be missed.

Update: Seeing as it doesn't actually get dark, and it took us however long to figure out that we were in a time bubble in the first place my whole understanding of time has gone a bit...wobbly. I asked Minion if we can put a clock in here because I'm going into that weird vacation headspace where time has no meaning even though all I've done is sit here and catch up on all my downloaded podcasts since I can't get signal on my phone in here though Minion found me a charger because he is a good and kind and forgiving fish. He also keeps bringing me food. I think he's trying to keep an eye on me while Lord High Cerulean is still been bashing around in the lab trying to fix this.

I also now have the WiFi password, but time bubble shenanigans means its basically dial-up speeds and I think I would rather be dehydrated.

Update: I would definitely rather be dehydrated.

Update: I must have fallen asleep because I woke up (still dressed! But ow, sleeping in a bra painful, amending that immediately) in a bed in a dark room with stick on glow in the dark stars on the ceiling.

Ooh there's a wavy lamp thing.

I take that back, those aren't stick on stars.

That's a glow in the dark mural of a whole galaxy painted on the ceiling. Holy shit that's gorgeous. I wonder which part of the night sky that's supposed to be?

Southern Hemisphere maybe?

Those aren't any constellations I'm familiar with...

Wait.

I think this is _his_ room.

Is this his room? 

I think it might be, Minion's a fish, what does he need with a bed?

That's kind of awkward.

This bed is really comfy though.

Update: It is his room. I found this out because the wavy lamp went dark and I tried to get of the bed and stood on one of his stupid spiky shoulder things.

Ever stepped on a piece of Lego?

Like that x 1000

The good news is my flailing woke the wavy lamp again and apparently this note from Minion says this is mine temporarily until we get this fixed. The room, not the spiky thing. Although...

No pretty sure I look like a Mad Max extra.

Never mind

This ceiling is really pretty...

Update: So...not only is this the blue genius's room but all his clothes are in here, which I found out when he barged in looking pissed as hell swearing under his breath about hypervelocital particulates and reverse fluctuations to raid his wardrobe while I was lying here staring at the ceiling mural.

In my defense I had no way of knowing he was going to show up and I wasn't about to keep sleeping in my work clothes so I may have been down to the slip part of this wrap dress thing I had on and without any blankets because its also permanently 25 degrees Celsius (yes I know he said 24.78 but I'm rounding!). So when he stomped back out of the wardrobe and noticed me in the equivalent of a nightgown all he did was blink and mutter "Hallucinations, wonderful," and duck down to dig a pair of runners out from under the bed.

He is _extremely_ flexible.

I don't think he realized it was actually me when I asked if he knew what kind of time frame we were looking at yet while he was unzipping his shirt at which point he rolled his eyes and said if he was going to have a conversation with a hallucination I could at least ask him a reasonable question.

That was a perfectly reasonable question and I told him so.

Apparently there's nothing he can do until this next lot of data finishes compiling so he's going for a run. I asked where because Lair in bubble = not much in the way of outside space and he informed me very loftily that as a figment of his imagination I could follow him to the gym if I was so curious.

Gym sounded interesting and my phone still thinks its two thirty seven in the afternoon so I asked if it was still night time because I'm trying to not wreck my sleeping pattern. He told me its two AM, and yes he's still working on fixing it, and if I don't mind he's already got one irritating damsel causing natural disasters in his lair so if he's going to devote valuable brainspace to sleep deprivation hallucinations the least I could do was provide some insight into keeping me out of trouble because I certainly couldn't be trusted to behave on my own. 

Rude.

How was I supposed to know burning the bag would set off the sprinkler system in half the lair?

I now regret throwing the spiky thing at him because he yelped and ran out and now I don't know which way to the gym.

His face when he realized it was actually me was pretty funny.

...

Hang on if I'm here where is he sleeping?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Megamind gets pretty murals painted from memory because I say he does


	3. Day 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fuck it I'm calling this day three

Fuck it I'm calling this Day 3

My access to the rest of the Lair has been increased by one room! There is a pantry beside the kitchen I am allowed into in case I get hungry and Minion is helping the wannabe Timelord. 

Minion must do all his shopping at Costco because they have enough bulk food here to feed an army which is probably for the best given we still don't have an ETA on getting out of here.

I have never been tempted to swim in a bath of chocolate chips before but now that I know its physically an option the idea keeps popping into my head.

I must have said that last bit out loud because Megamind popped up behind me (scared the fucking life out of me but did not scream, go me!) eating a bowl of cereal that was mostly sugar and said he'd considered the same thing but Minion hates cleaning chocolate out of the bathroom tiles.

That is a weirdly specific aversion. I do not want to know.

Anyway, I found ingredients and told him I was going to teach Minion how to make poffertjes.

He blinked a little then I got to watch this look of absolute suspicion and fear run across his face followed by a glare just as Minion stuck his head in to say he was very keen to learn new recipes.

The whole stuttering, shoving his cereal at me and fleeing back to the lab was very satisfying.

Turns out that wasn't cereal, just a bowl of sugar. Gross and also how? He could literally hide behind a stop sign if he turned sideways.

So now I'm teaching Minion how to make poffertjes. Megamind is apparently making us a pan in the workshop while he waits for his data to collate. 

I don't care if he gave up his room for me. He is not getting poffertjes. I know what he called me.

Update: Should not have made poffertjes without first working out how to get clothes from somewhere because I have one outfit for the forseeable future and it is currently in the wash after being covered in batter. 

If Supergenius eats my poffertjes I am going to feed him to his own alligators.

...

Shit how are they feeding the alligators?

They did remember the alligators right? I'm pretty sure they live here, not just from some rent-a-gator farm out of town.

...I might check that with Minion

Okay apparently the alligators have all been dehydrated because they don't keep more than a couple of days worth of alligator food on hand which is a relief and also means I am slightly less concerned about reptile welfare and the feeding of such.

Mostly because I did not want to be alligator food.

Update: Minion found me clothes. Well he found me this giant old red flannel with the sleeves cut off that must have been his and its doing okay as a dress as long as ~~Sugarvillain~~ (nope that doesn't work) Supervillain doesn't find out I raided his wardrobe for a belt.

Okay ow. How is he this skinny?

Wait...

Aha! Holepunch!

Oh shit laser holepunch

Let's just pretend that hole was always there.

Okay that's better. I can breathe now. Wonder what else he has in here?

Update: Battle. Jacket.

_Mine._

If he thinks he's getting this back I'm telling Minion what he called me. 

Update: He saw me and tripped over a toolbox. I was all geared up to defend my new jacket (he's the one that kidnapped me and trapped me in a time bubble without any of my own clothes for however long, fair's fair) but he just stared then turned around and said he needed to get back to the lab. He also walked into a door on his way out...I think I broke him?

I never knew his ears could go that colour, maybe I'll bring him some poffertjes after all.

This could be fun...

Update: Apparently he thinks Wayne and I are dating???

I laughed him out of the room because on one hand, unknown amount of time in lair with supervillain...on the other hand if he calls Wayne my overinflated helium balloon of a boyfriend again I am going to beat him to death with one of Minion's arms.

I can't believe he thinks my taste is that bad.

See if I try and be nice and bring you food again genius.

I'm keeping your jacket too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Roxanne is a very violent person. I like that about her.

**Author's Note:**

> There is no update schedule planned for this, just whenever inspiration strikes. But there is a plan!
> 
> Roxanne speaks Dutch because it was narratively convenient to me and now I want poffertjes


End file.
